What better tribute to America is there than cornhole, our true national pastime? Just as July 4th provided us all an opportunity to reflect on America's past glories and imagine its future triumphs, so too did July 5th bring to mind Sacramento cornhole's past legends while giving a glimpse of its future stars.
The boards of Friday cornhole have seen some of the greatest players to ever pick up a bag. Names like Steph, Joe, Vaidy, Ed and Katie "The Commish" are still whispered in hushed reverence here.
There are new names on the lips of fans now as well. The league has up-and-coming stars looking to achieve the eternal glory of a cornhole championship and a fifty dollar gift card. Will these fireworks fizzle out in the rarefied air of cornhole's playoff firmament or will they, in the eternal words of America's greatest patriot, Katy Perry, go "boom boom boom even brighter than the moon moon moon"?
The first round of Friday night's playoff pitted rookie sensation Johnny of the Third Hole against the eight-time champions of Unprotected Sacks and the perennial contenders of Wronghole against Hold my Beer.
Johnny had history on his mind when he stepped up to the boards on Friday. Only two players have won the championship with no teammates and he would face one of them in Jon Gaskell for the first round.
It's been years since Brent and Josh decided "if you can beat em, join em" and teamed up with Gaskell and Chris "Billy the Kid". This unholy alliance has netted its members numerous championships but can it survive a third straight season of playoff futility?
The games began with Johnny Ruiz just not showing up entirely. A bit anti-climactic but ok....3 to 0.
It's no secret that the other two playoff contenders, Hold My Beer and Wronghole, are fan favorites. Sales of "Arsenoff" and "Tan" jerseys have surged. Kids in playgrounds across the country are mimicking Luke's signature throwing style. Ukrainian viewing parties for Leah "The Intimidator" have proven cornhole's growing international appeal. It's a shame that only one of these teams would make the finals but their first round battle was a pleasure to watch.
The first game of this series came down to defense. Luke and Christine crowded the hole and didn't allow Sean or Sarah of Hold My Beer any room. Wronghole would take the lead 1-0. In game 2 Kevin would catch fire, hitting cornhole after cornhole to run away with the game 21-10. Game 3 would go just like game 2 and Wronghole would run away with it, winning the series 3-0.
The finals were set as Unprotected Sacks would square off against Wronghole, who were participating their first finals.
Game 1 featured established veterans Jon and Josh against Kevin and Luke.
The game would prove challenging for Unprotected Sacks, who didn't anticipate Luke's stellar play. Unprotected Sacks would gather themselves, however and win the game 21-11.
Game 2 would bring Luke of Wronghole some vengeance as he and Christine outlasted Jon and Billy the Kid, 23 to 20.
The unexpected tie threw Unprotected Sacks, already in tenuous detente, into chaos. Insults and recriminations were volleyed, things were said that couldn't be unsaid. Was this the end of the Unprotected Sacks dynasty?
Jon and Chris would ride the bench for game 3, leaving Josh and Brent to take on Christine and Kevin. Wronghole would employ a new strategy to exacerbate the tensions apparent in Unprotected Sacks.
Josh caught fire with an onslaught of cornholes after three insult and Unprotected Sacks would win the game 21-6 and take the series lead, 2 to 1.
Jon understood that Josh and Brent were ready for their time in the sun and played Josh's hot hand in game 4. His instincts would prove correct. Josh would repeat his previous performance and win the game, 21-6.
Although it pains Jon to admit it, Josh proved himself a cornhole MVP in these playoffs.
Congratulations to Unprotected Sacks on another cornhole championship, don't let it get to Josh's head.
| Team | Wins | Losses | Draws |
Ranking Points |
Point Diff |
|||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Unprotected Sacks | 11 (2)º | 0 | 0 | 22 | 29 | ||
| 2 | WRONGHOLE | 8 | 2 | 0 | 16 | 23 | ||
| 3 | Hold My Beer | 4 | 5 | 0 | 8 | 3 | ||
| 4 | Corn To Be Wild | 3 (1)º | 4 (1)º | 1 | 6 | -8 | ||
| 5 | The Third Hole | 3 (1)º | 6 (1)º | 1 | 6 | -9 | ||
| 6 | Maized and Confused | 0 | 5 | 2 | 2 | -20 | ||
| 7 | Mother Shuckers | 0 | 7 (2)º | 0 | -2 | -18 | ||
| (Some statistics may be hidden for small screens) | ||||||||
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